Thursday, March 17, 2005

Hello, I am a recruiter

Hello, I am a recruiter ...Hello, I am a recruiter, I saw your resume on Monster.com,HotJobs.com. Actually, this software thingie just sends me a bunch of people. I normally pick the ones with the most amount words or the ones with the longer sentences, or simple ones that don't have big words. I am 20 - 30 years old. I used to work at Chili's but it burnt down, after my hair caught on fire in the stove. My friend told me about this job, because my other waiter friends all became recruiters. The funny thing is, this job is really easy. I could basically pick any prospect, because all the resumes look the same anyway. You feel sorry for the guys with 4 degrees. I don't have a degree and I make 3 times what this guy will make. I don't know anything about technology. I only visit the Gap site and MTV site. I don't know what a java is or a Strut or a Microsoft. I don't really care either. Another trick, people with names that aren't white sounding are really smart, like the ones with a lot of consonants, like Wong Zhongyu. And if I really like you, just wait til I find your email or phone number. I will call you 5 or 6 times a day and won't take no for answer. I have nothing to do, so bothering you is fun for me. Oh you "don't know anything about Fortran or AS/400", but you are a senior web developer. That is ok, you are senior, so Fortran will be fun for you. It is probably like programming in the Linux programming language. To be honest, I don't even know how our recruiting company exists. We operate out of an apartment complex, and strangely enough, there are 500 companies here doing the same thing. We just recently made enough money to buy our third phone line. IBM and the other big companies, Microstuff? Orange computers? used us because our owner is a fanatical salesman. He used to be in the military and just scares those computer dorks so that they give us more money. I don't really care if you get a job, but if we hire you, make sure you are happy and stay there for 90 days so that we get our cut.

Thanks and please tell others we are looking for developers. Make sure they are between the ages of 23 and 28 and have 10 years of professional work experience. They must have been the Project Lead on all their projects and must have developed all the code. They can only come from MIT or Harvard and must have at lease 3 degrees in Engineering or Physics with no less than a 3.9/4.0 GPA. The position requires a lot of sitting around and chit-chat. We must have the best.

One more thing, make sure to put down your Cell Phone Number, Work/Home, Your parent's phone number. We must be able to call you anytime.

We will need 10 references so that we can call them all. They are probably going to give you a good reference, and their feedback is useful, but we call anyway, so that you have know chance of returning to your old company. It is fun for us.


Sunday, March 13, 2005

Japan Night Japan












Japan - Night Japan